Get On E-mail List for Latest Shows/News

Join Email List!

Nicole-Marie songs

Black Sunday 

I was going to write a blog on Sunday 1/26/20 called “modern day devil worship.” However, then I heard the news about the death of Kobe Bryant and I decided I would do a blog about him and the events surrounding his death instead. Being an intuitive, I think it’s interesting that I was going to do a blog about modern day devil worship and I also find it interesting that a few days before his death, I had a vision of an open grave knowing that some someone close to me or meaningful to me was going to die. Sometimes I have this kind of an image or feeling or dream when someone famous dies. For instance right before prince died, I had a dream that my sister died. This may be because my psyche associates Prince with my sister as my sister is the one who got us tickets to the Prince concert at The Gorge in George, Washington.   

But back to Kobe, I find it interesting that he died in an “accident“ that involved children, that occurred on a Sunday, the day after LeBron James passed him on the NBA scoring list, and the morning of the day a big event such as The Grammy’s is about to be held in the same event center where Kobe’s team, the Lakers, play.  There is just too many coincidences here.  Isn’t it interesting how extra attention was given to the Grammy’s because of Kobe's death just like extra attention was given to The Grammy’s when Whitney Houston died and when Jennifer Hudson’s family was murdered and that involved children too.  I wasn’t planning on watching The Grammy’s for the first time since my whole view of the music business has changed in the past year.  I now see the music industry, and film industry for that matter, as modern forms of devil worship.  One only has to look to at the strange, possessed, demonic behavior of those that find success in the music business in general.  Just check out my metamorphosis playlist on YouTube and check out the history of ritualistic murders as forms of sacrifice that involve famous people:

I also find it interesting that a cartoon called Chamberlain Heights predicted Kobe Bryant's death in a helicopter crash.  There has been lot of predictive programming lately, especially in cartoons such as The Simpsons.  Some might say that certain people are able to access the collective unconscious or the akashic records the way psychic medium Edgar Cayce did.  Other may take a more "scientific" approach and say that people can time travel to the future and be able to "predict" events in this way.  After all, the invention of time travel was supposedly perfected in 1975.  However, still others claim his death was an illuminati hit.  I think any or all of the above are possible.  

I had a dream the night before he died that I was working as a social worker doing an intake with a Black man and his daughter who were seeking my assistance.  In the dream, I was lacking in confidence about doing the intake right so I was seeking out a supervisor but could not find one.  However, I was able to find a supervisor's paperwork to use as an example.  However, I woke up from the dream before I could find my way back to the man and his daughter.  I wasn't sure what the dream symbol of a "Black man and his daughter" meant until I heard about the death of Kobe.  

Though it seems that Kobe started his NBA career with a lot of arrogance, I really feel that he was working towards enlightenment before he died.  No matter what darkness he was involved in during his life, I pray and he and his daughter, as well the others that died in the crash, will find their way to the light.  

Cloaked in Craziness 

There's something meaningful in being dismissed as "crazy."  It gives you a sort of freedom, a creative freedom and freedom of speech that is disappearing these days in all the political correctness.  The dark powers of this world aren't as threatened by you spreading the dark truths that most aren't brave enough, privy enough or open enough to speak of, acknowledge or receive.  The dark powers of this world know that you will be dismissed as "paranoid" or as a "conspiracy theorist" by the mass populace who want to enjoy the comforts of whatever freedoms or perception of freedoms exist while the spiritual warriors are the ones willing to go into the trenches and stand on the frontlines of this spiritual war.  

David Icke talks about how he was mocked, ridiculed and laughed at early on in his career of being a speaker, writer and educator of dark truths.  Because of this experience, the dark powers that be aren't as threatened by him because they know that most will dismiss him as crazy.  Rather than let this bring him down, he has been able to find the silver lining in being seen as crazy.  

Sloan Bella is a metaphysician who practices astrology, works with healing crystals and channels spirits as a psychic medium.  She isn't afraid to tell the truth about how certain celebrities really died and how other celebrities, while awed by the public at large, are involved in the Illuminati, Luciferianism and have been connected to Jeffrey Epstein's rings of sex trafficking involving children and possible blood sacrifice.  Most people will turn their eyes and ears away from such talk and dismiss someone like Sloan as a "witch" or worse.  

But there is purpose and meaning in being dismissed and/or attacked by the narcissists and sociopaths of the world or even by the people who want to only worry about their own little corners of the world, turning a blind eye and deaf ear to whatever evil lurks in the dark corners of the world.  

It's as if the dark truth tellers are "cloaked in craziness" or what appears to be craziness to those whose eyes have yet to be opened or who have been fortunate enough to not have experienced narcissistic or sociopathic abuse, though I would argue that we all have whether we realize it or not, or any of a number of different traumas that lead one to see beneath the surface of the superficial lifestyle. 

There is a documentary called Healing Voices about mental health care, the over reliance on psychiatric medications and the stigma attached to anyone labelled as anything from Schizophrenia to depressed.  The movie poses an important question about seeing the positive side of something like psychosis.  In some Native American cultures, for instance, a psychotic person may be elevated to the status of shaman.  

A person who is a psychic medium may be diagnosed with Schizophrenia or any number of anxiety disorders or a "witch" by many different religions, especially those of the Christian variety.  While most Christians denounce astrology, they ignore bible verse that point to the meaning in the stars such as Genesis 1:14 and the fact that the wise men used the stars to find baby Jesus.  Most Christians will also denounce the term "psychic" but are okay with the term "prophet."  While I do believe it's true that one can get their information from light or dark sources, who are we to judge that?  Jesus was all about love, not judgement.  Even Jesus was labelled as "crazy" by the people in power at that time.  He was tortured, mocked and ultimately put to death for what others saw as "crazy."  Why should we, as Christians, treat others the way Jesus was mistreated?  It doesn't make any spiritual sense.  A lot of the harsh judgement in the old testament was reversed by Jesus anyhow.  Just look how he blew Leviticus 20:10 out of the water in John 7:53-8:11.  

So, to the people who have been dismissed as "crazy" or "unhinged" or "paranoid" or a "witch" or as a "conspiracy theorist", just know that you are in good company.  Jesus always walks before us in whatever pain we face.  And the next time someone calls you any version of "crazy", simply reply with a "thank you."  Take up your cross and follow Him.  Put on your cloak of craziness and wear it proudly and then... find and speak your truth, no matter how dark and uninvited that truth may be...

Shapeshifters: Episode 1 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE is adoring the beauty of her reflection in her vanity mirror.  As she brushes her long blonde hair, she notices a patch of skin on her right cheek turn scaly green.  A sense of alarm adorns her face as she stops brushing her hair and feels the normal cheek skin with her hand and notices that when she removes her hand, her reflection appears to return to normal.  She SIGHS and continues to brush her hair but then a patch of scaly, green skin appears once again on her cheek.  She screams and drops her brush. 


The Manager, MS. STREICH, of an orphanage for Native American Children, is showing the orphans how to bow and curtsy. 

MS. STREICH:  And when King Elias and Princess Stephanie arrive and you are selected to go on an outing with them, you must first address him as...? 

THE ORPHANS:  Your Majesty. 

MS. STREICH: And then...? 


MS. STREICH:  And you will first address the princess as...? 

THE ORPHANS:  Your Royal Highness. 

Ms. Streich then notices two eight year old twins, MARK and MATT, goofing around in the back.  The rest of the orphans look back at the boys and the boys realize that everyone is watching them and look at Ms. Streich. 

MS. STREICH:  I want you boys to come with me.  Ms. Horner, will you please take over for me. 

Ms. Streich walks to the back of the class and grabs the collars of both boys and leads them out of the room. 


Princess Stephanie and King Elias are in the back of a limousine.  Princess Stephanie brings a handheld mirror to her face which reveals the square bandage on her cheek.   

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Oh, I look hideous, father. 

KING ELIAS:  It'll be alright, sweetie.  We're almost there.  

King Elias pats her on the thigh and Princess Stephanie gasps. 


She pulls up her dress to reveal the thigh that has patches of scaly, green skin on it. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Oh!  I can't hold form.  I need blood now. 

KING ELIAS: We mustn't panic.  We'll look for the frightened ones.  Their blood will be more highly charged. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Why must we drink tainted blood? 

KING ELIAS:  Our consumption of Aryan blood must be limited.  If too many Aryan children go missing, it would be noticed.   


Ms. Streich is at her desk in her office and Matt and Mark are sitting in chairs opposite her. 

MS.  STREICH:  Perhaps, the two of you aren't ready to meet royalty. 

MARK:  We'll be good ma'am, we promise.   

MS. STREICH:  Hmmm.  Perhaps the two of you need to be separated.  You seem to get into mischief whenever you're together. 

MATT:  Please don't separate us. 

MARK:  We're always together.  We're sorry ma'am. 

MS. STREICH:  Hmmm, we shall see.  The King and Princess should be here soon.  Go and join the rest in the hall. 

The boys get up and leave her office.   

They enter the hall where the rest of the orphans are.  They join a brother and sister, IGGY (age 6) and JESSICA (age 8), who are their friends.   

IGGY:  Ooh, you guys got in trouble. 

JESSICA:  Did Ms. Streich paddle you? 

MARK:  Not this time.   

An older child, CLAY, of 13 years, comes up to the group of friends. 

CLAY:  You dopes hope they pick you? 

MARK:  Only if they pick me and Matt together. 

JESSICA:  Yeah, me and Ig too. 

CLAY:  You know what happened the last time the king and princess came? 

JESSICA:  No, that was three years ago.  I was only five. 

Mark gestures to himself and Matt. 

MARK:  We weren't here then. 

CLAY:  Well, I remember and I DO NOT want to get chosen for an outing with them.  

MATT:  What happened, Clay? 

CLAY:  The kids that were chosen... never... came back. 

JESSICA:  Were they adopted by families? 

Clay chuckles. 

CLAY:  That what Streaker said but I don't believe it.  Two of my friends, Tommy and Jason, were chosen.  I heard that Jason got away but he told people what happened to Tommy.  Nobody believed him. 

JESSICA:  You're just trying to scare us. 

MARK:  No, Clay's just jealous because he's too old and ugly.  No King or Princess would ever choose him. 

Mark, Matt, Jessica and Iggy all start laughing.   

CLAY:  Listen you idiots!  They will kill you and drink your blood if you are lucky and if you aren't lucky, they will... 

Ms. Horner stands right by Clay. 

MS. HORNER:  Clay, are you scaring these children again with your horror stories. 

Clay look down. 

CLAY:  No, Ma'am. 

Ms. Horner then walks  away and claps to get all of the kids attention. 

MS. HORNER:  Fall in line, children.  Ms. Streich is about to bring the King in. 

The children get into lines and get quiet. 

Mrs. Streich enters the hall with King Elias.  The females curtsy and the males bow and all say:  your majesty. 

KING ELIAS:  I'm sorry that the Princess is not well enough to meet all of you today.  But she will be able to meet a selected few among you assuming she is feeling better soon.  

MS. STREICH:  We hope she is feeling better soon, sir. 

KING ELIAS:  Thank you.  Now, to get back to the reason for my visit to this lovely orphanage.  I am here to select a lucky group of children to go to lunch with myself and Princess Stephanie.  I have met with Ms. Streich about which children might be appropriately prepared for the occasion and have reviewed your information.  The children I have chosen are:  Rebecca Quinn. 

A shy, seven year old girl, REBECCA, raises her hand.  Ms. Horner goes over to her. 

MS. HORNER:  You mustn't be afraid, Rebecca.  This is an honor and a privilege.  

Ms. Horner takes Rebecca's hand and leads her to the King's side.  Rebecca starts to cry.  Another little girl, TAMARA, raises her hand as she begins to talk. 

TAMARA:  Ms. Streich, can I go in Becky's place if she doesn't want to go. 

MS. STREICH:  Mind your matters, Tamara. 

The King pats Rebecca on the head and gives her a sucker from his pocket.  Rebecca looks at Ms. Streich who nods at her.  Rebecca opens the wrapping and begins to suck on the sucker.  King Elias looks at his index card of names. 

KING ELIAS:  Now, back to business.  I would also like to invite Ignatius Jessup.   

Matt, Mark and Jessica look at Iggy whose mouth is opened wide in shock.  Iggy looks at his sister. 

JESSICA:  Go ahead, Ig.  It's okay. 

Iggy stands next to Rebecca. 

KING ELIAS:  David Cross, Alicia Vickson and Kenna McKay. 

Three more children go up to stand by the king. 

KING ELIAS:  And perhaps, one more... Matthew McKnight. 

Matt looks at his brother, Mark, and at Clay who looks away. 

MARK:  It'll be okay.  You know Clay lies... 

Matt nods. 

MARK:  Tell me everything when you get back. 


King Elias and the chosen orphans get into the back of the limo where Princess Stephanie is sitting. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Thank God.  I'm so thirsty. 

IGGY:  Wow, it's so big in this car. 

He looks at the Princess. 

IGGY:  What happened to your face? 

Iggy points to the bandage on Princess Stephanie's face.   

ALICIA:  Iggy, don't be so rude.  I'll apologize for him, your royal highness. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Well, at least somebody has some manners. 

One by one, the rest of the kids address her as "your royal highness." 

Once the King has entered the limo and everyone is seated, the car starts to move.   

Matt looks around. 

MATT:  It's dark in here. 

KING ELIAS:  They're called tinted windows. 

ALICIA:  Where are we going for lunch, sir?   

KING ELIAS:  It's a surprise. 

REBECCA:  I don't like surprises. 

Alicia glares at Rebecca. 

ALICIA:  Don't be such a scaredy cat, Becky. 

A moment of silence ensues and Matt looks at the Princess and she looks back at him.  He sees the shape of her pupils change and he recoils. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Is something wrong, child? 

Matt shakes his head. 

KING ELIAS:  You know, it isn't polite to stare.   

MATT:  I'm sorry.   

King Elias touches a button and all the doors lock.  Becky and Matt shudder. 

ALICIA:  This is a really nice car, your majesty, your royal highness. 

Princess Stephanie manages a smile. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Why, thank you dear.  Perhaps, you shall be first. 

KING ELIAS:  Go for the jugular, Sweetie. 

Princess Stephanie and King Elias then shapeshift into reptiles and bite into the necks of the children who begin to scream in horror. 


Clay, Jessica and Mark are at a dinner table in the hall along with all the other kids. 

MARK:  I thought they'd be home before dinner. 

JESSICA:  I'm worried.  I told Ig to go. 

Jessica starts to cry. 

Ms. Streich sits down at their table next to Jessica. 

MS. STREICH:  You mustn't cry, dear.  I have some good news.  The King was able to find families to adopt Iggy and the other children. 

MARK:  But Matt and I were supposed to be adopted together. 

MS. STREICH:  You don't get to decide that. 

JESSICA:  So, I'll never get to see Iggy again? 

MS. STREICH:  You mustn't be selfish, dear.  You must be happy for your brother.  He has parents now... unlike the rest of you lot. 

Ms. Streich gets up and walks away. 

CLAY:  She's such a bitch.  

MARK:  Were you lying earlier? 

CLAY:  Um... yeah... I was just pulling your chain.  The kids that are chosen are really set up to be adopted by rich White folks.  That's why they change our names. 

JESSICA:  My name isn't Jessica? 

CLAY:  You don't remember your real name? 

JESSICA:  Do you remember yours? 

CLAY:  Yes, but I'm forbidden to speak it here. 


The children are in their bed in the sleeping quarters.  Jessica and Mark have beds that are next to each other. 

Mark is laying wide awake and Jessica is crying with eyes closed. 

Mark whispers Jessica's name. 

MARK:  Jess? 

Jessica opens her eyes. 

MARK:  Something's wrong. 

JESSICA:  What do you mean? 

MARK:  Something happened to Matt.  I feel it. 

JESSICA:  You mean, he was adopted by bad parents. 

MARK:  No, I don't think he was adopted at all.  I think something bad happened to him like Clay said... 

JESSICA:  I can't believe that.  I won't believe that.   

MARK:  Jess, we need to get out of here.  We need to find out what really happened to Matt and Iggy. 

JESSICA: They were adopted by nice families and we should be happy for them. 

MARK  You can't tell me that you really believe that BS! 

Jessica turns her back to Mark.

How Cancer Saved My Life: How to Find the Meaning in Everything 

I was talking to my sister yesterday and she was bragging to me about how she just won $900 at the casino.  She told me that she won on a slot machine that kept playing on despite wanting to play on her favorite slot machines that were elsewhere in the casino.  She went on to say that she stayed on the machine because there were three broke, probable drug users sitting right next to her complaining about not having any money but yet loitering around her at the slot machines.  

I don't know about you but if I had been in my sister's shoes, I would have left immediately but my sister felt it was safer to stay at the machine until they left and she won the money shortly thereafter.  I told her that perhaps our mom, who passed away in 2017, guided those three individuals to her so she'd stay at the machine and win the money.  After all, my mother once helped me with money issues when I prayed to her shortly after she died.  At the time, I needed money to complete a creative project and had no idea where to get the money from.  Finally, I said out loud to my mom, "mama, the money's got to come from somewhere" hoping she would here me from the heavens.  

Well, the money did come and I was able to complete the project:  my 5th album:  Oaths of Abundance.  This album represented my first album written mostly from a joyful place and it was a labor of joy and love and I had a spiritual need to complete it.  The money came in 2017 after my ex-husband revealed to me in July of that year that he was having an affair.  I was devastated and my eyes were opened to his malignant narcissism after lots of studying, researching and soul searching.  He had fooled me for 25 years.  I talk more about that experience in my book:  Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse. 

Anyway, at the time of the separation and eventual divorce, I had no idea that the selling of house would yield us a financial gain of any kind.  Through the selling of the house we owned, I was able to set aside some funds for the production of Oaths of Abundance.  

I have since reflected on that toxic relationship and how, in the last year of our marriage, he probably had plans to kill me as he had been asking me about life insurance and making comments like "I worry for you that you don't have life insurance."  Does that make any sense?  Why would I care that I don't have life insurance?  We never had kids so he would have been the sole beneficiary if I had had life insurance.  He also rushed me to refinance the house the week prior to revealing his affair to me only because I caught him in a lie.  

Why didn't I have life insurance?  Because I always denied it whenever I applied for it because I had cancer at age 28.  At the time of the cancer, I was trying to make sense of why it was happening to me.  I was able to find meaning in the most adverse situations such as cancer.  This is a gift I have - finding the silver lining, finding meaning in anything.  I speak of this in my book The Gifts of Cancer.  I had cancer in 2004.  I got separated in 2017.  Since getting separated, divorced and recovering from the narcissistic abuse I suffered, I have found even more meaning in the cancer I had in 2004.  I believe that CANCER SAVED MY LIFE.  If I didn't have cancer, I likely would have had life insurance and my ex-husband would have likely killed me and made it look like an accident in order to keep his house and move his girlfriend in without looking like the bad guy.  In fact, he would have been the "poor grieving widower" that would draw sympathy from others instead.  

So, while the cancer and the divorce were huge life events for me, I feel that there is also meaning to be found in the small things that make us agitated or anxious or grief struck in life.  In my job as a mental health counselor, I often aid people in seeing the silver lining in their situation, no matter how grim or dark.  I found meaning in the experience of narcissistic abuse by helping others out of or in recovery from similar relationships whether personally or professionally in their own lives.  And you wouldn't believe how many people are suffering from narcissistic victim syndrome.  And I LIVE for helping others.  Helping others is what motivates me most in life.  I just had to learn that there are certain people you don't want to "help" because they will take advantage of your empathy and good nature.  

So, the next time you are confused, downtrodden, anxious or angry, sit with the feeling and ask yourself, "where is the meaning here?"  If you don't hear an answer, trust that in due time, you will know the answer, even if the answer isn't revealed to you until you are on the other side.  Sometimes, GOD SPEAKS THROUGH CIRCUMSTANCE and we are blocked from doing something we want to do because we are not meant to or perhaps, the timing isn't right.  I knew something was off in my marriage but I didn't know what it was.  I kept praying to God to reveal the truth to me but the truth wasn't revealed to me for several years, if not decades, after I started praying this pray.  

We have to trust that things happen in His perfect timing, not ours.  And things happen in His perfect planning, not ours.  We need to let go of the need to know and be open to any meaning that is ready for us to receive once any barriers to truth have been removed and we are truly ready to handle the truth, no matter how dark and no matter how light.  It wasn't long after I really let go of this need to know the truth about my husband and truly gave it up to God to reveal it to me as he deemed fit, that the ugly truth was revealed to me about his true character.  I believe my mother had something to do with it too.  

In 2020, the veil will be lifted for many more people, light workers and children of God especially, about the dark truths of this world and the dark truth of the evil in this world.  People will start to shapeshift before your eyes and their true nature will be revealed to you whether you are ready or not.  I'm glad I got a head start in this regard.  Since starting the process of acknowledging the narcissistic abuse and then starting the process of recovering from it, my eyes are ever more open to dark personalities that run this world, the wolves in sheep's clothing that once fooled me and that still fool the majority of the population, and the dark truths that are so hard to believe.  Once you been mind controlled for 25 years, you have a great understand for how it happens.  

So, I encourage you to be open to finding the meaning in everything, big or small, good or bad.  God bless you on your journey...

Christmas Crazy  

A friend recently told me that she was suffering from "the Christmas Crazy."  What she was referring to is the commercialism, stress, anxiety, materialism, and selfishness that the season of "giving" and spirit of Christmas has become.  If you google Christmas, you will likely find that it is a "Christian festival celebrating the birth of Jesus ( 2019)."  However, when you study the origins of Christmas, you will find that most scholars believe that Christmas represents the pagan celebration of the winter solstice and that Jesus was likely born in the spring, not in the winter.  

December 25th was chosen to represent the birth of Jesus by the powers of this world because, "It was a very dark occult festival that celebrated the birthday of the 'sun god' in all his various forms.  Unfortunately, most Christians have never learned about the pagan origins of Christmas.  Most Christians seem to believe that the history of Christmas began when Jesus was born.  But that is not the truth.  [...]  ...the Roman Catholic religion latched on to the birthday of the sun god and married it to the birth of Christ.  This birthday of the sun god can be traced all the way back to ancient Babylon ( 2019)." 

I had heard that the name "Santa" is anagram for "Satan" and that he is dressed in all red because this is the color of blood or sacrifice.  I did some research of origins of the name and liked what one website,, had to say:  

The origin of Santa Claus depends on which country's story you choose to adopt. Santa Claus comes from the Dutch words "Sinter Klaas", which is what they call their favorite saint, St. Nicholas. He is said to have died on December 6, A.D. 342. December 6th is celebrated as his feast day, and in many countries this is the day he arrives with his presents and punishments. 

Nicholas lived in what is now called Turkey. He was born about A.D. 280 in the town of Patras. [...] He was renowned for his extreme kindness and generosity – often going out at night and taking presents to the needy. 

In newly Christianized areas where the pagan Celtic and Germanic cults remained strong, legends of the god Wodan were blended with those of various Christian saints; Saint Nicholas was one of these. There were Christian areas where Saint Nicholas ruled alone; in other locations, he was assisted by the pagan Dark Helper (the slave he had inherited from the Germanic god Wodan). In other remote areas, where the Church held little power, ancient pockets of the Olde Religion controlled traditions. Here the Dark Helper ruled alone, sometimes in a most confusing manner, using the cover name of Saint Nicholas or "Klaus," without in any way changing his threatening, Herne/Pan, fur-clad appearance. (This was the figure later used by the artist Nast as the model for the early American Santa Claus.) 

By absorbing such pagan feasts and traditions, the Christian Church could subtly bring in its own theology: in this case, establishing the good Saint Nicholas, bringer of love and gifts, while grudgingly allowing the presence of the Olde Religion's Herne/Pan, but only as a slave to Saint Nicholas. Thus, in parts of Europe, the Church turned Herne into Saint Nicholas' captive, chained Dark Helper; none other than Satan, the Dark One, symbolic of all evil. His only remaining tasks now were to carry the bag, scare maidens and children into devout behavior, and drag sinners and pagans off to the Christian hell. Yet, in spite of this character assassination, the poor masses continued to see in this enslaved Dark Helper a reflection of their own enslavement. He remained their Herne, thumbing his nose at the Christian Church; a mischievous, nostalgic reminder of the days of their own free and lusty pagan past. 

In other words, perhaps we are collectively buying into a holiday, both figuratively and literally, that was created to conjure up the very drama, chaos, confusion, frustration, irritability, anger, sadness, fear and anxiety that the dark forces of this world feed off of.  We worry about having enough money to buy gifts for our loved ones.  We fear that our loved ones will be upset with us if we don't give them a gift.  We encounter family drama and unresolved trauma that bubbles to the surface longing for resolution.  But in our busyness, in our dissociation, in our craziness, we miss the true meaning of Christmas:  to love one another, to be kind to one another, to be compassionate and understanding of one another, to help each other out especially those who are suffering, and most importantly, never lose faith and always have hope.  After all, Jesus was born to give us hope, to show us the way to enlightenment and spread his message of love.    

Matthew 22:36-40 New International Version (NIV) 

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Sweet White Lies 

Rape was just around the corner 

when he came on my frilly, white dress 

At only 2 years old, I was no longer innocent 


But no one wants to hear testimony like this 

No one wants the truth in all its darkness 

The sweet white lies are what they prefer 

So I stay quiet or tell them what they want to hear 


I've grown quite good at that:  reading the subtext 

knowing what people want with my intuition 

having to zone in on what isn't being said 

living the lie that they want me to wed 


letting them penetrate and make their mess 

holding in the howls that go unnoticed 

trying to wipe off the wetness from when she licked my skin 

as she told them all the opposite 

worst part is:  they believed it 

only able to see from their own perspective 


And I'm unable to wipe away their ignorance 

with no one willing to be my witness


December 08, 2019 

I used to suffer from what I can "new age naivete" because I used to believe that all people were basically good and that there was no such thing as "evil" or dark souls.  However, after suffering from 25 years of narcissistic abuse, my eyes have been opened to the reality that the world can be a dark and dingy place.  It can be an especially dangerous place for souls filled with light and empathy walking among the narcissists and sociopaths that seem to run things on this earth plane.  They create chaos, confusion, fear and drama and then feed off all of that negative energy. 

Sloan Bella, a metaphysician who channels celebrities who are living and crossed over, talks about the need for all of us to speak our truth in her latest video on YouTube where she channels the energy of Aaron Carter, whose mother is likely the narcissist Sloan speaks of in the video.  It is very difficult to speak your truth when you are afraid for your life, the welfare of your family and loved ones and will inevitably suffer a backlash from those in the world who have not yet awakened to their own truth and who have not yet embraced their own light. 

When I counsel people who get stuck in victim mentality, I try to help them see the silver lining in their situation, no matter how grim.  I tell them that the shadow defines the light.  If they are Christian, I tell them that even Jesus had to go to hell before he ascended into heaven.  And I quote Carl Jung who said, "no tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell." 

I created a video on YouTube to help myself and others remember their own light.  The video features a song, The Light, from one of my favorite singer/songwriter's, Sara Bareilles.  It includes images of sacred geometry, crop circles, mandalas, geoglyphs and pictures that represent light and/or heaven.  Check it out at:

Mistaking Peace as Boredom or Emptiness 

I was driving down a highway in mid-November near Sumner, Washington.  It was an unusually beautiful day with blue skies and sun and the brisk cool autumn air you associate with freshness and cleanness.  I was admiring the beauty of poplar trees along the highway when I noticed a sense of inner emptiness, perhaps boredom and my mind immediately wanted to fill in that emptiness with worries about the future and things I had to get done.  But instead of going to that place of anxiety, I decided to sit with the emptiness a little further instead of turning away from it.  What I noticed was a sense of peace often associated with being in nature.  I then wondered how often in my life I confused peace, what I ultimately want most in my life, with boredom or emptiness.  I realized it was probably often and realized that most us probably do the same thing.

As a mental health counselor, I often try to help people learn how to cope with anxiety through reframing anxious thoughts and learning coping skills.  What I notice is that a great deal of people reject these ideas and hold on tightly to the their anxious thoughts and behaviors.  While they say that they want peace, they ultimately push it away.  They claim that they aren't capable of meditating, that deep abdominal breathing makes them more anxious and that their anxious thoughts and beliefs are benefiting them more than costing them.  When I ask what they do to calm down or relax, they usually say that they watch YouTube videos, watch TV, play games on their phones or play video games, usually of a violent or fantasy nature.  

In general, these activities tend to be more stress-inducing and anxiety-provoking than not.  However, there is a reluctance to give up the distraction, the stimulation, the constant anxiety, the sensation seeking and the numbing and soul-sucking activities that revolve around the technology, electronics and social media that plague our society at this time in history.  There is a lack of exposure to or immersion in nature which is grounding, relaxing and calming.  There's almost a lack of interest in the natural world today.  As we become more and more disconnected from each other and from nature, we become more and more disconnected from our spirits, our higher purpose and our shared humanity.  

And this is one of the major things causing today's anxiety epidemic and the soaring need for mental health services in general.  I remember the good ole days 20+ years ago when I had all sorts of no-show's and cancellations in my schedule because the weather was nice or bad or people just didn't feel the need to come in for counseling that day.  Nowadays, however, I work long hours because people rarely cancel appointments, there is a waiting list for all mental health providers, we are booked solid and people have to wait for their intake appointments.  It's like the world has gone mad.  

My chiropractor, a very gifted energy worker and healer, told me that I need to "reset to love" whenever I'm feeling vulnerable to others' energies.  That is largely the source of my anxiety - worrying about others and feeling their worries as well as being "attacked" at times by those with negative intentions and energy.  She said a very wise thing to me as well:  "divine love is the best protection there is" because if you are vibrating at a higher consciousness, you simply don't attract negative energy to you.  

As the assigned worrier of my family, I have decided and declared that I must give up this family role and let other people worry about themselves.  It's simply too much for me now to take on others' worry to the extent I have.  I have this compulsive need to help others to a pathological degree.  But the buck stops here and I'm hoping that you will join me in the light and make declarations in your own life.

And the next time you feel a twinge of boredom or emptiness, turn into it instead of away from it, thank it and join with it.  You may just find a sense of peace waiting for you to arrive, waiting for your acknowledgement and longing for you to let it into your soul.  Blessings, Nicole-Marie

Spiritual Beings: Episode 5: Asking for Spiritual Guidance 

Hopole is in adult body form on Earth arguing with his wife.

Guida is watching on a screen from the spiritual realms and shaking her head.

Hop suddenly appears beside Guida.

Hop:  Thanks for getting me out of there.

Guida:  Well, you asked for guidance.

Hop:  I did?

Guida: Well, in your own way.

Guida gestures towards the screen where Hop, in the middle of his marital discord, is shouting, "Will somebody get me the hell out of here!"

Hop:  So, how do I deal with that?

He points to his wife on the screen.

Guida:  We could try allowing activation of your higher chakras.  Most men on Earth are relegated to their first 2 chakras.

Hop:  What the hell are you talking about?

Guida:  Let me put this in a way you can understand:  you think with your pecker.

Hop:  Pecker?  What is this?  A G-rated movie?

Guida:  I'm well aware of the movies YOU prefer.  Let's get back to providing you some guidance. If I assist you in activating your feelings chakra, your marital relations will improve.  The downside is that other men on Earth may look at you as a pansy, a princess, a weakling, a coward, a...

Hop:  Forget it!  What else you got for me?

Guida:  Well, it might be helpful to keep your multidimensional selves in mind.

Hop:  What do you mean?

Guida giggles.

Guida:  You have forgotten.  All time is simultaneous.  You are living many lives at once.  This lifetime on Earth with your wife is only one of your realities.

Hop:  What?!  If that's true, why am I experiencing THAT reality?  Why can't I experience the reality where I'm married to Pam Anderson?

Guida rolls her eyes.

Guida:  There is NO reality where YOU are married to Pam Anderson.

Hop:  Well, what do I do then?

Guida:  You seem to get enough out of your flights into fantasy...

Hop:  No, not about Pam.  About my wife?  Got any other brilliant ideas?

Guida throws up her hands.

Guida:  I got nothing.

Hop:  I guess I'll resign myself to my bleak existence.

Guida:  A typical Earthling response. 


2020: Perfect Vision from the Lifting of the Veil 

There has been much talk about 2020 being the year that the veil will be lifted between our world and other worlds, between the physical world and the spiritual world, and between our reality and other realities, some of which we may not want to believe because it is so ugly, downright disturbing and hard to believe.  One of the gifts of surviving narcissistic abuse is that it is much easier to process and accept ugly realities and dark truths - about this world we live in and about how evil some people truly can be. 

Given that narcissists and sociopaths, such as Charles Manson, John of God, Jim Jones, and Jeffrey Epstein often seek positions of power, rise to fame, abuse their positions of power, and accumulate wealth and influential friends at a rapid pace, it's not that hard to believe in things like "the reptilian agenda."  After all, the reptilian part of the brain is the oldest part of the brain and involves our basic drives to survive and instincts to kill or be killed.  Also, there is faulty wiring or structural anomalies going on in the mammalian parts of the brain (limbic system, amygdala, etc.) that process emotions and allow us to empathize with others, and the "human" part of the brain (neocortex) that allow us to use logic to override our basic drives and instincts, in people with narcissistic or sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies.  Call them narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths or call them energy vampires and emotional manipulators (which would include Borderlines and Histrionics) or call them reptiles.  To me, it's all the same things 

I have been verbally attacked, spiritually attacked, manipulated, mentally attacked, psychologically attacked, and psychically attacked enough times to know when it's happening.  The only problem is the isolation you feel in seeing a truth that others can't see about a person or organization or situation.  The people who do work to uncover the truth (such as Brittany Murphy, Chris Cornell, LeRoi Moore, Isaac Kappy, Chester Bennington, Princess Diana, David Icke, and Bella Sloan) are either killed under the guise of "suicide" or "accident" or are dismissed as "crazy" or "unhinged."  I can't wait for 2020 to come.  I do believe that Jeffrey Epstein's death brings us one huge step closer to uncovering the vast ring of corrupt people in power that run the world of perception we are fed. 

One of my favorite television shows is Ancient Aliens which airs on The History Channel.  Watch the episode called “The REPTILIAN Agenda” and the one called “Dark Forces.”  These ideas are similar to all of David Icke’s ideas.  "The Reptilian agenda was, and is, to seek out the human refugees for destruction or assimilation, and to use their blood and hormones for sustenance," according to Stewart Swerdlow, author of Blue Blood, True Blood: Conflict and Creation

One of my favorite bands is "Live."  I like songs such as "I Alone", "Lightning Crashes" and "Selling the Drama."  I'm not sure if the band believes in the reptilian agenda (perhaps I should have used one of Muse's songs like "Madness", I song I love by the way) but I decided to use their song "Selling the Drama" to create a montage in anticipation of 2020 being the year I hope it will be.  Check it out at:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

– Ephesians 6:12