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Nicole-Marie songs

Why You Don't Want to be "Discovered" 

Most independent musicians, bands and singers want to be "discovered" by a music mogul, record company or A&R person.  What they don't realize is that being discovered is the start of being indoctrinated in the music business and losing your creative freedom.  From the time you are signed, you have basically sold your soul to the devil.  If you used to make inspiring and uplifting music, that will soon change.  

When you sign a contract with a major label or any of their subsidiaries, you are signing away your freedom to say and do whatever you like, make the kind of music you want to make and often times, you are signing away your creative works, the ability to choose what your creative works will be, your ability to profit from those works and your likeness and image into "all of perpetuity."  

Those who stray from the script they are given or the role that are made to play, such as John Lennon when he started writing and releasing songs like "Imagine", may be killed off by a mind-controlled assassin.  Those that try to backpedal or get out of the contract that they have signed, start getting bad publicity usually around mental health, and start losing their income and their fan base.  If you don't get back in line, you are either replaced, blackballed or ostracized and publicly scored, or all of the above.  If you try to change the system from within or leave the system, such as Kurt Cobain tried to do, you are killed off and it is made to look like a suicide, an overdose, an accident, a stroke or a heart attack.  Or you simply disappear into obscurity by design.

It is only those that are willing to follow orders, or those that are of the same ilk as the powers that be, that are promoted or get the most fame, followers, fortune, promotion or backing from the system.  What you are then left with in today's music business is a bunch of talentless hacks and writers that are releasing meaningless music, or even worse, mass grabs into the dark energies and forces or subliminal messages that make us afraid, lustful, angry or subdued into submission. 
 

In his book, Charmed by Darkness, Roger Morneau, demon worshiper turned Christian prayer warrior, writes about meeting the man, a successful band leader at the time, who introduced him to the world of demon worship so prevalent among those who “make it” in the music or film industry or any facet of life.  That man, called George, tells the author:

”Recognition came to us overnight; without any effort on our part, we were discovered (though we had been there all along) and recognized as one of the great bands in our field. Somehow, the news media got all excited over us. We became the talk of the town. We were spoken of by the great people of the radio world, and in no time we were pushed to the top.”

The days of finding spiritual unity at music concerts is a thing of the past.  Today's concerts are designed to serve the agenda of materialism, mind control and devolvement.  In today's reality, a person's image or body may have been replaced with a hologram or with today's science, even a clone.  At worst, there’s the possibility of the artist being forced out of their body while some other entity is enjoying the adoration of the fans and the fruits of your labor.  So, you don't really know what you are going to get.  We are fighting a spiritual war between the forces of darkness and the forces of light.  And the forces of darkness feed off of our fear and negative emotions.  Which side are you going to fight for?  

I still have hope that we can find our way back to spiritual unity and togetherness and human touch.  I have hope that we can free ourselves from the agendas of this prison planet.  I have hope that we can have the highest expressions of truth and love and have the freedom to say what we want to say without fear of endangerment or public humiliation.  My vote is for spiritual freedom and freedom in all ways that serve the good, the truth, the light, the love in the world that so threatens the dark.  We can free ourselves and we can stay free by refusing to be indoctrinated and following our intuition.  

Managing Perception 

The desire to manage the perception of others is a normal desire.  What we post on Facebook, Instagram and other social media outlets is typically showing off our best sides only.  The human race, at this time in history, is turning to movies, television, drugs and alcohol, gaming and other forms of addiction, entertainment and distraction in order to cope with the stark reality of what is going on in the world, and in order to keep believing in the hopes and dreams that we are being fed from those in positions of power around the world.   Some of us are okay with not knowing and not seeing these dark truths and some of us are in outright denial of these dark truths to the point of attacking anyone who tries to expose them or dismissing them as crazy or conspiracy theorists. 

While the need to manage the perception of others is not usually done with malicious intent, this need to manage other's perception goes to a pathological extreme when we are talking about narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths or anyone in the dark triad of the human personality spectrum.  Unfortunately, many people in positions of power fall into this category because the people in the dark triad tend to seek out positions of power, don't get their feathers ruffled under pressure due to their low empathy and desire for high stakes and high risks situations (adrenaline junkies), and due to their ability to be very self-promoting and tendencies to deny or discount any flaws or weaknesses while playing up their strengths.  In other words, they are experts at manipulation and managing perception.  

However, the management of perception doesn't stop with how they want others to view them but extends to how others view others, view the world and view themselves.  And why do we believe them?  Because we, who are children of God, follow the Golden Rule - treat others the way you would want to be treated.  Because we give people the benefit of the doubt.  Because we assume everyone thinks and acts like us, with some sort of moral code.  Because we believe everyone is basically good.  Because we can't bring ourselves to believe the horrors that are going on in the world.  Because we can't bring ourselves to even look or listen to the horrors that are going on in the world even when they have been proven to be true.  It is simply too overwhelming to do for too long if one is an empathetic soul because we hurt when others hurt and we don't want to hurt.  

Looking for a Savior 

The search for a savior goes back eons.  While I think it is important to rely on a higher power and lean not on your own understand and I think it's important to be connected to the divine source of good, I think this need for a savior has to be balanced with the need to take responsibility for your own life, your own choices and that of your brother, children especially.  I do consider myself a Christian and as such, I do consider myself saved by the blood of Christ.  Some, such as David Icke, whom I actually follow and respect, say that a man named Jesus never existed.  Icke is entitled to his opinion.  In fact, I enjoy listening to him speak and reading his books more than I enjoy listening to some judgmental, holier-than-thou Christians speak. 

I have never been more judged in this life than I have by any group of people more than I have by Christians.  In a very narcissistic way, the hardcore ones, the "fundamentals", dismiss those of other beliefs and religions with more disdain than any other group of people other than, perhaps, new agers, Satanists and Luciferians.  It's no surprise, then, that a lot of Christians look at Trump at the second coming of Christ and as their Savior.  They are hoping that Trump saves them from the COVID-19 virus, from the Satanists and Luciferians, from war, death and destruction.  They are worshiping Trump as if he is a God ,as if he is Jesus Christ and that sickens me.  Some also worship someone they call Q, who some believe is actually Trump, and hope that Q saves them from all of these things.  They worship Trump and Q the same way Satanists worship Satan and demons, the same way that some of the Luciferians, the Hollywood elite, worship Tom Hanks.  The Luciferians are always trying to get Hanks' attention so they can climb the glamour ladder and be saved from whatever dilema they are facing.  I'm seeing 2 sides of one coin here with the hardcore Christians and new agers and the Satanists and Luciferians.

Am I being a "lukewarm" Christian?  According to some Christians, absolutely.  They have told me what to believe, to believe as they do, to not think or decide for myself and to deride other people, especially gay people and those of other beliefs and religions.  Like everyone else, they interpret the bible in a way that suits their agenda and life.  They are apparently closer to God than I am, better Christians than I am and more wise, intelligent, faithful and smart than I am.  But isn't that being just as narcissistic as the Hollywood elite and the "powerful" people in international finance and government? I'm not say that these Christians engage in pedophiliic, cannibalistic or other downright depraved behaviors, but the judgement and the narcissism and the rigid thinking and the fixed mindset and the need to worship someone other than God or Jesus, someone in a power of position or influence in this world, is pretty much the same.  

And then, there's the new agers who believe that everybody should take a chill pill and be at one with everything in the world and transcend all the negativity by only focusing on the positive and turning a blind eye to all of the abuse, neglect and terrorism, especially to children, that is taking place in the world.  After all, many of these new agers believe that they are going to the "new earth", just like some luciferians believe they are the "enlightened ones" and are going to go colonize another planet, and don't give a rat's ass about those who are apparently going to be left behind on this prison planet.  There are some in the new age and/or occult world, like Sloan Bella, who I do follow because they are willing to talk about the dark side too instead of turning a blind eye to all the debauchery and darkness that exists on this planet.  Isn't wanting everything to be roses just like the Luciferians wanting everything and everyone, especially themselves, to look good just like the narcissists?  The Satanists, as well, want to everything to go their way and don't care who suffers, as long as it's not them, as a result.  

Trump is a narcissist in my humble opinion.  He fits all the DSM 5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), loves the sound of his own voice and only sees things from his own perspective and therefore, gaslights others.  As a survivor of 25 years of narcissistic abuse, I can spot a narcissist from a distance just like those who have been sexually abused in childhood can easily spot a pedophile.  From a spiritual perspective, narcissists are hollow and empty inside.  They are soulless, if you will.  There's a body but no soul.  The soul already left the body or there was no soul in the first place.  Therefore, they feed off the energy of others and operate mostly from or only from the reptilian part of the triune brain.  As a hollow shell, any disembodied soul, hungry ghost or demonic entity can enter.  This is true, as well, for those who dare to ingest mind-altering substances - they open themselves for other entities to come on in and take over either temporarily or for good.  

Donald Trump comes from a narcissistic and corrupt family.  Do your own research on his ancestry and you will see this.  You will know good fruit or bad fruit by the seeds they produce and we all have to pay for the sins of our fathers.  People with NPD rarely change.  They typically get worse, more paranoid and more abusive and manipulative of others, with age.  However, I do believe that God can change anyone's heart.  But such a person has to ask for God to change their heart because God gave us all freewill.  Perhaps, Donald Trump did just that.  Perhaps, an angelic being walked into his body to direct things in a way that lightens up the dark.  With more fluidity of thought being one of my spiritual lessons in this life, I'm certainly willing to consider that possibility.  After all, Trump apparently did more to stop child trafficking than any other U.S. president before him and more importantly, the children that have been kept underground, in the tunnels that go from Mexico to the northern borders of the U.S., are currently being rescued under Trump's watch. 

Some say that he is "dropping hints" to the public.  Apparently, he isn't willing to go fully out on a limb to tell us the entire truth of what's really going on if he's only dropping hints.  Is that saving the world or saving your own ass?  Is that acting in the best interests of the people or acting for self interests such as, oh I don't know, getting elected for another 4 years.  Additionally, he is part of the cogwheel that is keeping us imprisoned in our houses, covering up the deeper truth of what those in power around him, other than the democrats, of course, or anyone else who personally offends him, is really doing or has been really doing, and continues to talk himself and his own perspective up.  And those who follow him and disdain others of different beliefs, only enable and reflect his narcissism.  Everyone deserves to have a voice.  Everyone's opinion deserves to be heard.  No one deserves to be scapegoated or have someone else's shadow projected on to them.  I understand that there is a spiritual war going on right now and that people have to "pick a side" - good or evil.  As a victim of narcissistic abuse, I have seen that evil truly does exist and understand that not every man is good.  However, the children of God need unity, not division and separation.  We need to respect others' experiences, perspectives and beliefs, not try to control them or push our beliefs on to others.  Otherwise, we are gaslighting others and being narcissistic as well.  

As for myself, I do not belief Trump is going to "save" me.  I do not believe Q is going to save me.  I do not believe Tom Hanks is going to save me.  I get that Trump is a position of power that doesn't mean that he is savior and that doesn't mean that we should give away our power to him.  I made the mistake of giving my power away to my narcissistic ex and idealizing him as well.  I vow not to make that mistake again with anyone.  I understand the need to have a savior, to look for a savior and to want to be rescued and saved by someone outside of ourselves.  Some of us, especially children, do need an advocate to speak on their behalf and to rescue them from the horrors of this world.  However, the majority of us need to step into our own power while respecting the power that others want to have.  It doesn't have to be a dog-eat-dog world.  I'm all for repsecting others' beliefs as long as you aren't hurting anyone, children especially, in the process of believing what you believe and saying what you want to say and doing what you want to do.  

My Inheritance on Celebrating Motherhood Series 

Thank you to Bree Noble and everyone at WOS (Women of Substance) Radio for featuring my song, My Inheritance, on their upcoming Celebrating Motherhood Series May 4-10, 2020.  My Inheritance, a song I wrote for my mother, will be featured on Friday 5/8/20 on the #1 New & Noteworthy and Award Winning Women of Substance Music Podcast.  Listen in at:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-substance/id939201604?mt=2

The show also airs on most Podcast apps including Stitcher, TuneIn, Overcast, PocketCast, etc.

Here are some more related links: 

http://www.wosradio.com/

http://breenoble.libsyn.com/

Twitter: @WOSRadio Facebook: wosradio 

Instagram @women_in_music Pinterest breernoble

COVID-19 Conspiracies 

There are many COVID-19 conspiracies out there and I don't disagree with some of them.  I think it is important to validate peoples' feelings about being socially isolated which incites depression or anxiety in anyone with an empathetic soul.  According to the Oxford dictionary, the definition of "conspiracy" is "a secret plan by a group to do something unlawful or harmful."  By that definition, conspiracies do exist and exist plentifully in this age of narcissism, selfishness, greed and psychopathy.  It is a spiritual war that we are ultimately fighting.  We are fighting for our very freedom and our souls as God's children.  I wanted to document some of the conspiracies despite the possibility of being called "crazy" as most people who are willing and brave enough to speak up are called.  Calling someone a "conspiracy theorist" is a way of discrediting and silencing anyone with a different point of view.  Our very freedom of speech and our diversity of thought, beliefs and ideas is being threatened as a result.  It took me a long time to write about the Corona Virus conspiracies because I wanted to actually listen to all them, that I know of up to this point, before formulating my own ideas in a way that I could manage writing about. 

When I heard about "the tunnel kids", my heart hurt and I felt deeply disturbed.  Being a social worker and mental health professional for 20 years, I'm not new to stories of sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse and neglect.  I'm not new to hearing about and knowing about the underbelly of human society where people are raped and tortured.  Being a survivor of 25 years of narcissistic abuse, I understand the dual nature of some "people" who walk this earth.  However, when I heard that children, some who have never seen the light of day, who are malnourished and deformed, are being rescued from the tunnels, used to transport drugs but also to traffic children, that span from Mexico to the northern border of the United States, I was almost incredulous about it.  You certainly won't hear about the tunnel kids on mainstream media but you will hear about it on alternative media, most notably YouTube and Twitter.

I've heard about these kids from many different sources but I first heard about it from Sloan Bella, a metaphysician, on YouTube, who is able to channel dead celebrities like LeRoi Moore, Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington, Isaac Kappy, and Brittany Murphy, who were all trying to expose the truth behind the fact that 800,000 children go missing every year.  These celebrities are "suicided" or died under suspicious circumstances before they had the chance to get the word out.  According to Sloan and other truth tellers I follow on social media, such as Jamie DLux, there are many tunnels under Washington DC and Hollywood in particular.  And according to Sloan, some of the "earthquakes" we have been hearing about happening in the United States since the social distancing mandates began, are really the tunnels being blown up.  It is unclear to me who is blowing up those tunnels.  Is it the government?  Is it the "cabal" that David Icke speaks of that is trying to hide their tracks?  The government is part of the cabal according to David Icke.  If you don't know who David Icke is by now, you should certainly watch the recent video he did on London Real that went viral where he talks about the "psychopaths" that are in charge of this world.  Icke is the author of many books that expose pedophiles and psychopaths in powerful positions in this world.  He's been talking about "conspiracy theories" for 30 years and people used to dismiss him as "crazy" but now people are actually listening to him and turning to him for information.  

According to Icke, COVID-19 is a "scam" and people who are supposedly dying of COVID-19 are really dying from other conditions but COVID-19 is being put down as the cause of death on their death certificates to inflate the numbers.  He says that this is all heading towards mandatory vaccination, something Bill Gates is obviously pushing, which is a way of injecting the population with microchips in order to track us and control us.  He adds that the tests that test for COVID-19 actually test for any strain of the Corona Virus and not specifically for COVID-19.  He further talks about the connection between the roll out of 5G technology and the symptoms that sound like COVID-19 - trouble breathing being a big one.  He feels that the social distancing mandates related to COVID-19 are really a way of keeping people off the streets and distracted while these 5G towers are being built up everywhere.

Sloan talks about the COVID-19 social distancing mandates being about a way to distract people and keep them from seeing things as well.  Some of what we aren't seeing is that all of these children are being brought up from the tunnels they have been trafficked and some of them, living in.  However, she doesn't disagree with a lot of what David Icke is saying as well.  Both say that COVID-19 was developed in a lab.  If you look at Event 201 and the simulations for a high level pandemic that took place on October 18, 2019 in New York, NY at John Hopkins Center for Health Security in partnership with the World Economic Forum and none other than the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, you could see how this whole thing that we are dealing with now with COVID-19 has been planned.  

Still others follow QANON, an individual or group of individuals that purport to have classified information that they have been leaking to the public in attempt to expose the "deep state" plot against President Donald J Trump and his supporters.  Some people believe "Q", as their followers call them, is a government insider and others, especially a lot of hardcore Christians, follow Q and listen to their every word because they believe Trump to be a savior of sorts.  They point to Trump's outstanding record of convicting child abusers.  Others believe Trump is dropping hints to the public about what's really going on.  David Wilcock, who seems to love the sound of his own voice and is dismissive of anyone with a different view point, seems just as narcissistic as Trump so it's not surprising that he is among these Trump supporters who view Trump as a savior of sorts.  Being that Trump is an obvious narcissist, I find it naive to believe that he is a savior.  However, I also believe that a narcissist cannot change who they are unless they ask God for a new heart and perhaps Trump did just that.  

David Wilcock has talked about these three days of darkness where the world will be without power.  He and others point to the bible verses Exodus 22 and Ezekiel 34:11-12.  Others point to mystics and saints such as Marie Julie Jahenny who was born in 1850 and was a Third Order Franciscan mystic who reported having visions about the three days of darkness covering the whole earth.  Also, Anna-Maria Taigi (1769-1837) was a mystic who claimed to receive prophecy about the "last days."  Some also quote Padre Pio who seemed to describe the three days of darkness.  Some believe that the three days of darkness will begin on Good Friday which is this Friday, April 10th.  

It is interesting that social distancing mandates have not only affected our ability to connect with each other and benefit from physical and energetic affection and connection.  It also affects our ability to pray in numbers in close contact with each other - something that makes prayer especially powerful.  In his book, Out of the Devil's Cauldron, author John Ramirez talks about how he turned from being a Satanist to being a Christian.  He says that he enjoyed attacking Christians especially energetically during his days in Santeria.  However, he found that he could not attack the people or neighborhoods that had been praying.  Pray is always most effective where 2 or more are gathered.  We have been scattered and separated from each other during this time of social distancing.  But nothing can stop us from praying.   

Black Sunday 

I was going to write a blog on Sunday 1/26/20 called “modern day devil worship.” However, then I heard the news about the death of Kobe Bryant and I decided I would do a blog about him and the events surrounding his death instead. Being an intuitive, I think it’s interesting that I was going to do a blog about modern day devil worship and I also find it interesting that a few days before his death, I had a vision of an open grave knowing that some someone close to me or meaningful to me was going to die. Sometimes I have this kind of an image or feeling or dream when someone famous dies. For instance right before prince died, I had a dream that my sister died. This may be because my psyche associates Prince with my sister as my sister is the one who got us tickets to the Prince concert at The Gorge in George, Washington.   

But back to Kobe, I find it interesting that he died in an “accident“ that involved children, that occurred on a Sunday, the day after LeBron James passed him on the NBA scoring list, and the morning of the day a big event such as The Grammy’s is about to be held in the same event center where Kobe’s team, the Lakers, play.  There is just too many coincidences here.  Isn’t it interesting how extra attention was given to the Grammy’s because of Kobe's death just like extra attention was given to The Grammy’s when Whitney Houston died and when Jennifer Hudson’s family was murdered and that involved children too.  I wasn’t planning on watching The Grammy’s for the first time since my whole view of the music business has changed in the past year.  I now see the music industry, and film industry for that matter, as modern forms of devil worship.  One only has to look to at the strange, possessed, demonic behavior of those that find success in the music business in general.  Just check out my metamorphosis playlist on YouTube and check out the history of ritualistic murders as forms of sacrifice that involve famous people: 

http://falsificationofhistory.co.uk/geopolitics/the-ritual-murder-of-princess-diana/

I also find it interesting that a cartoon called Chamberlain Heights predicted Kobe Bryant's death in a helicopter crash.  There has been lot of predictive programming lately, especially in cartoons such as The Simpsons.  Some might say that certain people are able to access the collective unconscious or the akashic records the way psychic medium Edgar Cayce did.  Other may take a more "scientific" approach and say that people can time travel to the future and be able to "predict" events in this way.  After all, the invention of time travel was supposedly perfected in 1975.  However, still others claim his death was an illuminati hit.  I think any or all of the above are possible.  

I had a dream the night before he died that I was working as a social worker doing an intake with a Black man and his daughter who were seeking my assistance.  In the dream, I was lacking in confidence about doing the intake right so I was seeking out a supervisor but could not find one.  However, I was able to find a supervisor's paperwork to use as an example.  However, I woke up from the dream before I could find my way back to the man and his daughter.  I wasn't sure what the dream symbol of a "Black man and his daughter" meant until I heard about the death of Kobe.  

Though it seems that Kobe started his NBA career with a lot of arrogance, I really feel that he was working towards enlightenment before he died.  No matter what darkness he was involved in during his life, I pray and he and his daughter, as well the others that died in the crash, will find their way to the light.  

Cloaked in Craziness 

There's something meaningful in being dismissed as "crazy."  It gives you a sort of freedom, a creative freedom and freedom of speech that is disappearing these days in all the political correctness.  The dark powers of this world aren't as threatened by you spreading the dark truths that most aren't brave enough, privy enough or open enough to speak of, acknowledge or receive.  The dark powers of this world know that you will be dismissed as "paranoid" or as a "conspiracy theorist" by the mass populace who want to enjoy the comforts of whatever freedoms or perception of freedoms exist while the spiritual warriors are the ones willing to go into the trenches and stand on the frontlines of this spiritual war.  

David Icke talks about how he was mocked, ridiculed and laughed at early on in his career of being a speaker, writer and educator of dark truths.  Because of this experience, the dark powers that be aren't as threatened by him because they know that most will dismiss him as crazy.  Rather than let this bring him down, he has been able to find the silver lining in being seen as crazy.  

Sloan Bella is a metaphysician who practices astrology, works with healing crystals and channels spirits as a psychic medium.  She isn't afraid to tell the truth about how certain celebrities really died and how other celebrities, while awed by the public at large, are involved in the Illuminati, Luciferianism and have been connected to Jeffrey Epstein's rings of sex trafficking involving children and possible blood sacrifice.  Most people will turn their eyes and ears away from such talk and dismiss someone like Sloan as a "witch" or worse.  

But there is purpose and meaning in being dismissed and/or attacked by the narcissists and sociopaths of the world or even by the people who want to only worry about their own little corners of the world, turning a blind eye and deaf ear to whatever evil lurks in the dark corners of the world.  

It's as if the dark truth tellers are "cloaked in craziness" or what appears to be craziness to those whose eyes have yet to be opened or who have been fortunate enough to not have experienced narcissistic or sociopathic abuse, though I would argue that we all have whether we realize it or not, or any of a number of different traumas that lead one to see beneath the surface of the superficial lifestyle. 

There is a documentary called Healing Voices about mental health care, the over reliance on psychiatric medications and the stigma attached to anyone labelled as anything from Schizophrenia to depressed.  The movie poses an important question about seeing the positive side of something like psychosis.  In some Native American cultures, for instance, a psychotic person may be elevated to the status of shaman.  

A person who is a psychic medium may be diagnosed with Schizophrenia or any number of anxiety disorders or a "witch" by many different religions, especially those of the Christian variety.  While most Christians denounce astrology, they ignore bible verse that point to the meaning in the stars such as Genesis 1:14 and the fact that the wise men used the stars to find baby Jesus.  Most Christians will also denounce the term "psychic" but are okay with the term "prophet."  While I do believe it's true that one can get their information from light or dark sources, who are we to judge that?  Jesus was all about love, not judgement.  Even Jesus was labelled as "crazy" by the people in power at that time.  He was tortured, mocked and ultimately put to death for what others saw as "crazy."  Why should we, as Christians, treat others the way Jesus was mistreated?  It doesn't make any spiritual sense.  A lot of the harsh judgement in the old testament was reversed by Jesus anyhow.  Just look how he blew Leviticus 20:10 out of the water in John 7:53-8:11.  

So, to the people who have been dismissed as "crazy" or "unhinged" or "paranoid" or a "witch" or as a "conspiracy theorist", just know that you are in good company.  Jesus always walks before us in whatever pain we face.  And the next time someone calls you any version of "crazy", simply reply with a "thank you."  Take up your cross and follow Him.  Put on your cloak of craziness and wear it proudly and then... find and speak your truth, no matter how dark and uninvited that truth may be...

Shapeshifters: Episode 1 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE is adoring the beauty of her reflection in her vanity mirror.  As she brushes her long blonde hair, she notices a patch of skin on her right cheek turn scaly green.  A sense of alarm adorns her face as she stops brushing her hair and feels the normal cheek skin with her hand and notices that when she removes her hand, her reflection appears to return to normal.  She SIGHS and continues to brush her hair but then a patch of scaly, green skin appears once again on her cheek.  She screams and drops her brush. 

JUMP TO: 

The Manager, MS. STREICH, of an orphanage for Native American Children, is showing the orphans how to bow and curtsy. 

MS. STREICH:  And when King Elias and Princess Stephanie arrive and you are selected to go on an outing with them, you must first address him as...? 

THE ORPHANS:  Your Majesty. 

MS. STREICH: And then...? 

THE ORPHANS:  Sir. 

MS. STREICH:  And you will first address the princess as...? 

THE ORPHANS:  Your Royal Highness. 

Ms. Streich then notices two eight year old twins, MARK and MATT, goofing around in the back.  The rest of the orphans look back at the boys and the boys realize that everyone is watching them and look at Ms. Streich. 

MS. STREICH:  I want you boys to come with me.  Ms. Horner, will you please take over for me. 

Ms. Streich walks to the back of the class and grabs the collars of both boys and leads them out of the room. 

JUMP TO: 

Princess Stephanie and King Elias are in the back of a limousine.  Princess Stephanie brings a handheld mirror to her face which reveals the square bandage on her cheek.   

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Oh, I look hideous, father. 

KING ELIAS:  It'll be alright, sweetie.  We're almost there.  

King Elias pats her on the thigh and Princess Stephanie gasps. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  That hurt! 

She pulls up her dress to reveal the thigh that has patches of scaly, green skin on it. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Oh!  I can't hold form.  I need blood now. 

KING ELIAS: We mustn't panic.  We'll look for the frightened ones.  Their blood will be more highly charged. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Why must we drink tainted blood? 

KING ELIAS:  Our consumption of Aryan blood must be limited.  If too many Aryan children go missing, it would be noticed.   

JUMP TO: 

Ms. Streich is at her desk in her office and Matt and Mark are sitting in chairs opposite her. 

MS.  STREICH:  Perhaps, the two of you aren't ready to meet royalty. 

MARK:  We'll be good ma'am, we promise.   

MS. STREICH:  Hmmm.  Perhaps the two of you need to be separated.  You seem to get into mischief whenever you're together. 

MATT:  Please don't separate us. 

MARK:  We're always together.  We're sorry ma'am. 

MS. STREICH:  Hmmm, we shall see.  The King and Princess should be here soon.  Go and join the rest in the hall. 

The boys get up and leave her office.   

They enter the hall where the rest of the orphans are.  They join a brother and sister, IGGY (age 6) and JESSICA (age 8), who are their friends.   

IGGY:  Ooh, you guys got in trouble. 

JESSICA:  Did Ms. Streich paddle you? 

MARK:  Not this time.   

An older child, CLAY, of 13 years, comes up to the group of friends. 

CLAY:  You dopes hope they pick you? 

MARK:  Only if they pick me and Matt together. 

JESSICA:  Yeah, me and Ig too. 

CLAY:  You know what happened the last time the king and princess came? 

JESSICA:  No, that was three years ago.  I was only five. 

Mark gestures to himself and Matt. 

MARK:  We weren't here then. 

CLAY:  Well, I remember and I DO NOT want to get chosen for an outing with them.  

MATT:  What happened, Clay? 

CLAY:  The kids that were chosen... never... came back. 

JESSICA:  Were they adopted by families? 

Clay chuckles. 

CLAY:  That what Streaker said but I don't believe it.  Two of my friends, Tommy and Jason, were chosen.  I heard that Jason got away but he told people what happened to Tommy.  Nobody believed him. 

JESSICA:  You're just trying to scare us. 

MARK:  No, Clay's just jealous because he's too old and ugly.  No King or Princess would ever choose him. 

Mark, Matt, Jessica and Iggy all start laughing.   

CLAY:  Listen you idiots!  They will kill you and drink your blood if you are lucky and if you aren't lucky, they will... 

Ms. Horner stands right by Clay. 

MS. HORNER:  Clay, are you scaring these children again with your horror stories. 

Clay look down. 

CLAY:  No, Ma'am. 

Ms. Horner then walks  away and claps to get all of the kids attention. 

MS. HORNER:  Fall in line, children.  Ms. Streich is about to bring the King in. 

The children get into lines and get quiet. 

Mrs. Streich enters the hall with King Elias.  The females curtsy and the males bow and all say:  your majesty. 

KING ELIAS:  I'm sorry that the Princess is not well enough to meet all of you today.  But she will be able to meet a selected few among you assuming she is feeling better soon.  

MS. STREICH:  We hope she is feeling better soon, sir. 

KING ELIAS:  Thank you.  Now, to get back to the reason for my visit to this lovely orphanage.  I am here to select a lucky group of children to go to lunch with myself and Princess Stephanie.  I have met with Ms. Streich about which children might be appropriately prepared for the occasion and have reviewed your information.  The children I have chosen are:  Rebecca Quinn. 

A shy, seven year old girl, REBECCA, raises her hand.  Ms. Horner goes over to her. 

MS. HORNER:  You mustn't be afraid, Rebecca.  This is an honor and a privilege.  

Ms. Horner takes Rebecca's hand and leads her to the King's side.  Rebecca starts to cry.  Another little girl, TAMARA, raises her hand as she begins to talk. 

TAMARA:  Ms. Streich, can I go in Becky's place if she doesn't want to go. 

MS. STREICH:  Mind your matters, Tamara. 

The King pats Rebecca on the head and gives her a sucker from his pocket.  Rebecca looks at Ms. Streich who nods at her.  Rebecca opens the wrapping and begins to suck on the sucker.  King Elias looks at his index card of names. 

KING ELIAS:  Now, back to business.  I would also like to invite Ignatius Jessup.   

Matt, Mark and Jessica look at Iggy whose mouth is opened wide in shock.  Iggy looks at his sister. 

JESSICA:  Go ahead, Ig.  It's okay. 

Iggy stands next to Rebecca. 

KING ELIAS:  David Cross, Alicia Vickson and Kenna McKay. 

Three more children go up to stand by the king. 

KING ELIAS:  And perhaps, one more... Matthew McKnight. 

Matt looks at his brother, Mark, and at Clay who looks away. 

MARK:  It'll be okay.  You know Clay lies... 

Matt nods. 

MARK:  Tell me everything when you get back. 

JUMP TO:   

King Elias and the chosen orphans get into the back of the limo where Princess Stephanie is sitting. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Thank God.  I'm so thirsty. 

IGGY:  Wow, it's so big in this car. 

He looks at the Princess. 

IGGY:  What happened to your face? 

Iggy points to the bandage on Princess Stephanie's face.   

ALICIA:  Iggy, don't be so rude.  I'll apologize for him, your royal highness. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Well, at least somebody has some manners. 

One by one, the rest of the kids address her as "your royal highness." 

Once the King has entered the limo and everyone is seated, the car starts to move.   

Matt looks around. 

MATT:  It's dark in here. 

KING ELIAS:  They're called tinted windows. 

ALICIA:  Where are we going for lunch, sir?   

KING ELIAS:  It's a surprise. 

REBECCA:  I don't like surprises. 

Alicia glares at Rebecca. 

ALICIA:  Don't be such a scaredy cat, Becky. 

A moment of silence ensues and Matt looks at the Princess and she looks back at him.  He sees the shape of her pupils change and he recoils. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Is something wrong, child? 

Matt shakes his head. 

KING ELIAS:  You know, it isn't polite to stare.   

MATT:  I'm sorry.   

King Elias touches a button and all the doors lock.  Becky and Matt shudder. 

ALICIA:  This is a really nice car, your majesty, your royal highness. 

Princess Stephanie manages a smile. 

PRINCESS STEPHANIE:  Why, thank you dear.  Perhaps, you shall be first. 

KING ELIAS:  Go for the jugular, Sweetie. 

Princess Stephanie and King Elias then shapeshift into reptiles and bite into the necks of the children who begin to scream in horror. 

JUMP TO: 

Clay, Jessica and Mark are at a dinner table in the hall along with all the other kids. 

MARK:  I thought they'd be home before dinner. 

JESSICA:  I'm worried.  I told Ig to go. 

Jessica starts to cry. 

Ms. Streich sits down at their table next to Jessica. 

MS. STREICH:  You mustn't cry, dear.  I have some good news.  The King was able to find families to adopt Iggy and the other children. 

MARK:  But Matt and I were supposed to be adopted together. 

MS. STREICH:  You don't get to decide that. 

JESSICA:  So, I'll never get to see Iggy again? 

MS. STREICH:  You mustn't be selfish, dear.  You must be happy for your brother.  He has parents now... unlike the rest of you lot. 

Ms. Streich gets up and walks away. 

CLAY:  She's such a bitch.  

MARK:  Were you lying earlier? 

CLAY:  Um... yeah... I was just pulling your chain.  The kids that are chosen are really set up to be adopted by rich White folks.  That's why they change our names. 

JESSICA:  My name isn't Jessica? 

CLAY:  You don't remember your real name? 

JESSICA:  Do you remember yours? 

CLAY:  Yes, but I'm forbidden to speak it here. 

LATER 

The children are in their bed in the sleeping quarters.  Jessica and Mark have beds that are next to each other. 

Mark is laying wide awake and Jessica is crying with eyes closed. 

Mark whispers Jessica's name. 

MARK:  Jess? 

Jessica opens her eyes. 

MARK:  Something's wrong. 

JESSICA:  What do you mean? 

MARK:  Something happened to Matt.  I feel it. 

JESSICA:  You mean, he was adopted by bad parents. 

MARK:  No, I don't think he was adopted at all.  I think something bad happened to him like Clay said... 

JESSICA:  I can't believe that.  I won't believe that.   

MARK:  Jess, we need to get out of here.  We need to find out what really happened to Matt and Iggy. 

JESSICA: They were adopted by nice families and we should be happy for them. 

MARK  You can't tell me that you really believe that BS! 

Jessica turns her back to Mark.

How Cancer Saved My Life: How to Find the Meaning in Everything 

I was talking to my sister yesterday and she was bragging to me about how she just won $900 at the casino.  She told me that she won on a slot machine that kept playing on despite wanting to play on her favorite slot machines that were elsewhere in the casino.  She went on to say that she stayed on the machine because there were three broke, probable drug users sitting right next to her complaining about not having any money but yet loitering around her at the slot machines.  

I don't know about you but if I had been in my sister's shoes, I would have left immediately but my sister felt it was safer to stay at the machine until they left and she won the money shortly thereafter.  I told her that perhaps our mom, who passed away in 2017, guided those three individuals to her so she'd stay at the machine and win the money.  After all, my mother once helped me with money issues when I prayed to her shortly after she died.  At the time, I needed money to complete a creative project and had no idea where to get the money from.  Finally, I said out loud to my mom, "mama, the money's got to come from somewhere" hoping she would here me from the heavens.  

Well, the money did come and I was able to complete the project:  my 5th album:  Oaths of Abundance.  This album represented my first album written mostly from a joyful place and it was a labor of joy and love and I had a spiritual need to complete it.  The money came in 2017 after my ex-husband revealed to me in July of that year that he was having an affair.  I was devastated and my eyes were opened to his malignant narcissism after lots of studying, researching and soul searching.  He had fooled me for 25 years.  I talk more about that experience in my book:  Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse. 

Anyway, at the time of the separation and eventual divorce, I had no idea that the selling of house would yield us a financial gain of any kind.  Through the selling of the house we owned, I was able to set aside some funds for the production of Oaths of Abundance.  

I have since reflected on that toxic relationship and how, in the last year of our marriage, he probably had plans to kill me as he had been asking me about life insurance and making comments like "I worry for you that you don't have life insurance."  Does that make any sense?  Why would I care that I don't have life insurance?  We never had kids so he would have been the sole beneficiary if I had had life insurance.  He also rushed me to refinance the house the week prior to revealing his affair to me only because I caught him in a lie.  

Why didn't I have life insurance?  Because I always denied it whenever I applied for it because I had cancer at age 28.  At the time of the cancer, I was trying to make sense of why it was happening to me.  I was able to find meaning in the most adverse situations such as cancer.  This is a gift I have - finding the silver lining, finding meaning in anything.  I speak of this in my book The Gifts of Cancer.  I had cancer in 2004.  I got separated in 2017.  Since getting separated, divorced and recovering from the narcissistic abuse I suffered, I have found even more meaning in the cancer I had in 2004.  I believe that CANCER SAVED MY LIFE.  If I didn't have cancer, I likely would have had life insurance and my ex-husband would have likely killed me and made it look like an accident in order to keep his house and move his girlfriend in without looking like the bad guy.  In fact, he would have been the "poor grieving widower" that would draw sympathy from others instead.  

So, while the cancer and the divorce were huge life events for me, I feel that there is also meaning to be found in the small things that make us agitated or anxious or grief struck in life.  In my job as a mental health counselor, I often aid people in seeing the silver lining in their situation, no matter how grim or dark.  I found meaning in the experience of narcissistic abuse by helping others out of or in recovery from similar relationships whether personally or professionally in their own lives.  And you wouldn't believe how many people are suffering from narcissistic victim syndrome.  And I LIVE for helping others.  Helping others is what motivates me most in life.  I just had to learn that there are certain people you don't want to "help" because they will take advantage of your empathy and good nature.  

So, the next time you are confused, downtrodden, anxious or angry, sit with the feeling and ask yourself, "where is the meaning here?"  If you don't hear an answer, trust that in due time, you will know the answer, even if the answer isn't revealed to you until you are on the other side.  Sometimes, GOD SPEAKS THROUGH CIRCUMSTANCE and we are blocked from doing something we want to do because we are not meant to or perhaps, the timing isn't right.  I knew something was off in my marriage but I didn't know what it was.  I kept praying to God to reveal the truth to me but the truth wasn't revealed to me for several years, if not decades, after I started praying this pray.  

We have to trust that things happen in His perfect timing, not ours.  And things happen in His perfect planning, not ours.  We need to let go of the need to know and be open to any meaning that is ready for us to receive once any barriers to truth have been removed and we are truly ready to handle the truth, no matter how dark and no matter how light.  It wasn't long after I really let go of this need to know the truth about my husband and truly gave it up to God to reveal it to me as he deemed fit, that the ugly truth was revealed to me about his true character.  I believe my mother had something to do with it too.  

In 2020, the veil will be lifted for many more people, light workers and children of God especially, about the dark truths of this world and the dark truth of the evil in this world.  People will start to shapeshift before your eyes and their true nature will be revealed to you whether you are ready or not.  I'm glad I got a head start in this regard.  Since starting the process of acknowledging the narcissistic abuse and then starting the process of recovering from it, my eyes are ever more open to dark personalities that run this world, the wolves in sheep's clothing that once fooled me and that still fool the majority of the population, and the dark truths that are so hard to believe.  Once you been mind controlled for 25 years, you have a great understand for how it happens.  

So, I encourage you to be open to finding the meaning in everything, big or small, good or bad.  God bless you on your journey...

Christmas Crazy  

A friend recently told me that she was suffering from "the Christmas Crazy."  What she was referring to is the commercialism, stress, anxiety, materialism, and selfishness that the season of "giving" and spirit of Christmas has become.  If you google Christmas, you will likely find that it is a "Christian festival celebrating the birth of Jesus (Britannica.com 2019)."  However, when you study the origins of Christmas, you will find that most scholars believe that Christmas represents the pagan celebration of the winter solstice and that Jesus was likely born in the spring, not in the winter.  

December 25th was chosen to represent the birth of Jesus by the powers of this world because, "It was a very dark occult festival that celebrated the birthday of the 'sun god' in all his various forms.  Unfortunately, most Christians have never learned about the pagan origins of Christmas.  Most Christians seem to believe that the history of Christmas began when Jesus was born.  But that is not the truth.  [...]  ...the Roman Catholic religion latched on to the birthday of the sun god and married it to the birth of Christ.  This birthday of the sun god can be traced all the way back to ancient Babylon (http://thefinalhour.blogspot.com/2010/12/history-of-christmas-december-25th-was.html 2019)." 

I had heard that the name "Santa" is anagram for "Satan" and that he is dressed in all red because this is the color of blood or sacrifice.  I did some research of origins of the name and liked what one website, https://www.lnstar.com/mall/main-areas/xmas-santa-origin2.htm, had to say:  

The origin of Santa Claus depends on which country's story you choose to adopt. Santa Claus comes from the Dutch words "Sinter Klaas", which is what they call their favorite saint, St. Nicholas. He is said to have died on December 6, A.D. 342. December 6th is celebrated as his feast day, and in many countries this is the day he arrives with his presents and punishments. 

Nicholas lived in what is now called Turkey. He was born about A.D. 280 in the town of Patras. [...] He was renowned for his extreme kindness and generosity – often going out at night and taking presents to the needy. 

In newly Christianized areas where the pagan Celtic and Germanic cults remained strong, legends of the god Wodan were blended with those of various Christian saints; Saint Nicholas was one of these. There were Christian areas where Saint Nicholas ruled alone; in other locations, he was assisted by the pagan Dark Helper (the slave he had inherited from the Germanic god Wodan). In other remote areas, where the Church held little power, ancient pockets of the Olde Religion controlled traditions. Here the Dark Helper ruled alone, sometimes in a most confusing manner, using the cover name of Saint Nicholas or "Klaus," without in any way changing his threatening, Herne/Pan, fur-clad appearance. (This was the figure later used by the artist Nast as the model for the early American Santa Claus.) 

By absorbing such pagan feasts and traditions, the Christian Church could subtly bring in its own theology: in this case, establishing the good Saint Nicholas, bringer of love and gifts, while grudgingly allowing the presence of the Olde Religion's Herne/Pan, but only as a slave to Saint Nicholas. Thus, in parts of Europe, the Church turned Herne into Saint Nicholas' captive, chained Dark Helper; none other than Satan, the Dark One, symbolic of all evil. His only remaining tasks now were to carry the bag, scare maidens and children into devout behavior, and drag sinners and pagans off to the Christian hell. Yet, in spite of this character assassination, the poor masses continued to see in this enslaved Dark Helper a reflection of their own enslavement. He remained their Herne, thumbing his nose at the Christian Church; a mischievous, nostalgic reminder of the days of their own free and lusty pagan past. 

In other words, perhaps we are collectively buying into a holiday, both figuratively and literally, that was created to conjure up the very drama, chaos, confusion, frustration, irritability, anger, sadness, fear and anxiety that the dark forces of this world feed off of.  We worry about having enough money to buy gifts for our loved ones.  We fear that our loved ones will be upset with us if we don't give them a gift.  We encounter family drama and unresolved trauma that bubbles to the surface longing for resolution.  But in our busyness, in our dissociation, in our craziness, we miss the true meaning of Christmas:  to love one another, to be kind to one another, to be compassionate and understanding of one another, to help each other out especially those who are suffering, and most importantly, never lose faith and always have hope.  After all, Jesus was born to give us hope, to show us the way to enlightenment and spread his message of love.    

Matthew 22:36-40 New International Version (NIV) 

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”