I had a reading with a spiritual advisor in July of 2022. She told me that I would be going through an ego death at some point in the near future. At the time, the thought of an ego death sounded somewhat scary. However, up to that point in my life, I had already gone through various dark nights of the soul which can also be little ego deaths. Having cancer at the age of 28, I had to face my own mortality, Losing my hearing in my 30’s was devastating and made me question my career choice of listening to others as a social worker and mental health therapist and threatened my passion, my joy of being able to create, perform and listen to music. My divorce in 2017 to someone I had been with for 25 years was even more devastating. This person had provided me with a life of physical comforts for the most part but a barrage of mental, psychological and emotional abuse. Discovering that you don’t really know someone and had been tricked for all that time is an ego death of sorts.
So, when I was told in 2022 that I would be going through another ego death, my initial reaction was, haven’t I been through enough already for now? However, just like getting the death card or the tower card in tarot, an ego death doesn’t necessarily need to be something to be feared. An ego death is transformative, it is your soul transforming. And you can either go through that process as calmly and willingly as possible or screaming and kicking. The more you accept the process and open yourself up to how an ego death can enrich your life, the less pain and suffering you will perceive.
I’ve been assuming that my next ego death will involve some sort of public humiliation and shaming because this is something that I fear. This is something that leads to my having performance anxiety and social anxiety in general. And I know that part of our journey here on this plane of existence involves facing our fears. I have already faced some public humiliation in my life but could there be more to come and on a grander scale? I’ve never necessarily been afraid to be different or rejected because I always was on some level. In this way, being different can be a blessing because you don’t always strive to belong because you never really did anyway.
But we are social creatures and we need social interaction, even the most introverted among us such as myself. And we all need spiritual leaders, teachers, shamans, sages, healers, and gurus, when the time is right to learn that next lesson in life, to take the next step towards our true spiritual path, to seek healing of some sort, and/or to let go of the ego comforts and things that block us from moving forward, and to guide and comfort us as we experience the next ego death or soul transformation. Sometimes, these are people you meet physically and other times they are people who you follow on social media or come to know through books that they have written. Perhaps, they are souls that you can attune to in a spiritual way.
At this time, one of those people for me is a woman who calls herself Salini. I learned of her by listening to one of Michael Jaco’s podcasts. She is a survivor of MKUltra mind control but had no memory of this until later in life. I am currently reading her book, Emerging from the Matrix, and it is excellent. In this book, she writes about soul transformation and ego death, something that she experienced many times as well. She writes so beautifully and in such an elevated way, that I decided to share an excerpt from her book on this topic of soul transformation and ego death, as what she writes is way more powerful than anything I could write on the topic right now. What follows is excerpts from her book, Emerging from the Matrix:
“If you have entered a crisis of some kind, it’s likely you have begun a soul transformation. Whenever dramatic change is upon you, the Universe is asking you to change direction. You are off course of your life’s Dharmic purpose. You are being redirected to the correct path for you. This is where all criticism begins. People who have not begun a Soul Transformation will not understand what is happening to you. If their lives, their jobs, and their finances are stable and comfortable, they will not be interested in your suffering or your journey. They are enjoying their lives. Their egos are in a comfortable place. They will find your actions and experiences to be odd, and sometimes frightening to them. Perhaps even threatening. They may judge you for even going through what you are going through. They will give tons of advice cached in standard cultural wisdom and clichés, most of which comes from the perspective of their comfort, and usually won’t be helpful. They may even be arrogant about it. If you can, forgive them. They cannot see that you have begun a Soul Transformation because they have not yet begun one. You will enter into this journey largely alone. There will be a few beautiful souls along the way who will stand by you. They may stay a long time, or it may be brief. But treasure them. Like an oasis along an endless, dry, desert caravan, they are great gifts along the way. Know that they have been sent by the Holy Spirit to help you endure the transformation and awakening of your soul. Nevertheless, prepare yourself for rejection at this stage. Many will abandon you. Your old life will fall away. A chasm of the unknown now faces you. You have entered the Garden of Gethsemane. For those of you keen to have a spiritual awakening, I caution you. Awakening is very traumatic. Change requires sacrifice, and the death of the ego is the price you’ll pay. It won’t be comfortable, but it will be incredible.”
So, if you are experiencing or about to experience an ego death, blessings be with you. Embrace the experience and know that many have come before you and many are walking beside you. Even when we feel truly alone, we can always ask for assistance from our spirit guides, from Jesus, or whomever or whatever you call your higher power. Let the fear fall away and look to the light that overwhelms the darkness. Blessings…